so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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