I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
