Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
