I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
