just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
