roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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