Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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