it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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