Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
