cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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