Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do vagina's smell?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize