Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
