im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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