So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
