Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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