I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
