I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize