I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
