dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
