hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You took a bar mat shot.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
