I will die if light touches me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
