Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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