3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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