This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
