I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
