maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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