we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
