Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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