This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
