Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
