We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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