He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
