so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
