If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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