So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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