my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
