it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
