Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
