My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
