I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize