I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
