Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
