hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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