Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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