She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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