I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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