Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
