No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
