And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
