I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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