is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Its about making memories worth repressing
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
