You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
