Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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