and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize