don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
