She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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