Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
