Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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