You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
