it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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