Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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