ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
