Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize