Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
