Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
