Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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