well you can't waste a boner
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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