6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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