Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have post one night stand depression
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