Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
